Day 5: Walking in Memphis

August 21, 2007
By Jamie

For better or worse, bacon is not the only thing on the breakfast menu. Cathy set us up real nice with biscuits and gravy and eggs. After filling our bellies, we hit the road for Memphis. Our drive takes us along the Mississippi River through the eastern edge of Missouri and into Arkansas before crossing back over into Tennessee. Of course we had to stop by Festus, MO to see if the Bottle Rockets are wandering around. (They weren’t.) The drive through Missouri is pretty nice actually. Lots of rolling hills. We’re not positive, but we think we were near the edge of the Ozarks. It’s also wine country apparently. There are tons of vineyards through the area. We tried to pull off and do some quick gift shopping, but man, it turned out to be very difficult. Those Missourian vine-folk are sneaky bastards. When it says “5 miles off the highway” it’s a big fat lie. What it should say is “5 miles to the next sign that will tell you how far away the next sign is.” When we finally get through the chain of signs and get to the winery we discover it’s closed on Tuesdays. Our “quick stop” took almost an hour and we still came up empty handed. (Dare I say, fruitless?)

A little behind schedule, but we successfully rolled into Memphis. After a stop at the visitor center to pick up some maps and general info we found our way to the Otherlands coffee shop to collect our thoughts, plan a course of action and take advantage of their wireless connection. We’re pretty well armed for Memphis. Of all the stops on our trip, here is where we’ve gotten the most background info (from several sources). So at this point, we’ve got a pretty good idea of relative locations of sites, museums and bars. Naturally, we found a hotel pretty close to some bars.

First stop after the coffee shop is Neely’s BBQ. It was damn tasty, but I think Craig and I both give the edge to Gate’s back in KC. After a quick stop at the hotel to unload, we set off to do some exploring. The hotel location is also nice because it’s just off the trolley line which took us straight into downtown. The trolley had a nice wooden interior which Craig was happy to discover was manufactured in Ida Grove, IA. On the ride in we ran into two other guys – Micah and Michael – from Texas who are doing a very similar trip, just different cities. (Two guys on vacation? Sounds kinda gay, if you ask me.) Our first destination is on Beale Street and all the blues that go along with it. (Beale Street is basically the Memphis version of Bourbon Street.) A coworker’s husband’s nephew owns several bars on Beale, so those were a natural starting point. Beale Street was fun, though it was relatively low-key given that it was a Tuesday. Lots of neon and blues. And some guy who offered lots of tips on how to get with the ladies.

Stranger:
Man, you guys gotta lighten up if you’re gonna find any ladies!
Us:
Chuckle.
Stranger:
That’s better! The ladies like it when guys smile! I need to get this thing off my finger, it’s killin’ me! [As he pulls at his wedding ring.] You need to take yours off too, man!
Me:
Well, I don’t think my wife would appreciate that.
Stranger:
Man, I hear you. I’ve been married for 27 years. I love my wife. But man, I love the ladies!

This general conversation went on for a few minutes before he walked off with a lady. (Note: he wasn’t actually using the term “ladies.”)

After taking in Beale Street we ran into Micah and Michael from the trolley. We decided to get a little off the main drag and walk down to a bar called Ernestine & Hazel’s Sundry Store. Nice hole in the wall (it’s a former brothel) with a cool vide. There were a couple other folks in there, but they left shortly thereafter. The four of us were the only ones in the bar and we ended up hanging out there and chatting for about three hours until 3:00. We pretty much solved all the world’s problems we had forgotten to address earlier in our trip – border issues, the difference between Cajun and Creole, why Texas is so f'ed up, things like that.

Some might be under the impression that 3:00 is getting a little carried away. To that I say: cash-only after hour bar. After Ernestine & Hazel’s, Craig and I took a cab to Alex’s. They stay open until 6:00. Another hole in the wall with a good vibe. Robert behind the bar took good care of us. When I get back home I need to remember to send him some Iowa State gear to cover up the University of Iowa crap on the wall. They also had shuffleboard. Anyone who knows Craig knows that these types of games are his forte. And he was feeling pretty confident when he jumped out to a 16-0 lead. That’s about when I went Medieval on his ass. He was not amused by my brilliant rally. 21-20, Jamie wins.

One last cab ride home as the sun starts to rise and the birds and cicadas are squawking away. (The loud cicadas seem to be a recurring theme on this trip. They’re everywhere and they’re friggin’ loud.)

(For the record -- and to put my wifey's and mommy's minds at ease -- I'd like to point out that, while this was certainly a late night, it was not a crazed bender. When we go on a bender, I won't mention that at all...)

Memphis has officially welcomed us with open arms and a big wet, sloppy kiss. And I made out with its face.